Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
