Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
