And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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