4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
