she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
