All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
