I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
