I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
