Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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