We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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