my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
