Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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