I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Drunk is not a location!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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