You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize