Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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