dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
