i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
