conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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