I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
