Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
