Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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