I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
