There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
