i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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