i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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