how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
