there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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