You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
