I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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