call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
