i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize