I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
