this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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