okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
