I CAN MOONWALK!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
