yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
