Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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