I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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