Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
