I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize