U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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