My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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