It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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