i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize