i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
