Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
