I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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