I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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