Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
