You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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