we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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