i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize