xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
