Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
