I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
