You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
