the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
