i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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