I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
