Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
