Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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