I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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