You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
