I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize