Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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