hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
