Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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