Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
