Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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