Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
