Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
