I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
