were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
