you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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