I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
