At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
