her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
