they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
