Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize