we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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