I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
