He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
