Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
