hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
