I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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