You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have post one night stand depression
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize