good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
