The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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