I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
