Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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