lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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