also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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