I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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