Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
