I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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