Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
