Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
