i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
