turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
