It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
