Moan for me like Helen Keller
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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