this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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