don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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