I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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