Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
