Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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