So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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